Thoughts
by distraught.hallelujah
Summary: In seconds, Toshiro took in the image before him of his childhood friend lying in a pool of her own blood. In seconds, his eyes widened. A lifetime of thoughts runs through his memories, stabbing painfully at every opportunity. This was his best friend… and it was his fault that this had happened. It was his fault because he was weak – too weak to protect the one he loved.


Thoughts

* * *

There were some thoughts that ran through Toshiro's head when he saw Hinamori lying crumpled on the ground in a pool of her own blood. The Flash Step that took him past Aizen may have just been the fastest step in the history of the Seireitei but nobody, not even Toshiro, had noticed. He had only noticed his childhood friend, hoping, praying, for the fraction of the second it took him to reach her side that as he got closer it would not turn out to be what it looked like. In the moment he needed to take it in, he nearly fell to his knees. He wanted to throw away everything, to kneel and collect her broken body in his arms and cry like a little lost boy.

He whispered her name softly. He was startled, too startled. He couldn't take it in completely. His eyes dodged side to side, unable to focus. It couldn't be, he thought. Please…

It took all of his strength to stand, to stare, unable to look away. He had been unable to protect her. The strength he had gained, telling himself that he would protect Hinamori, seemed so worthless now. He could feel the dead weight of his zanpakuto on his back. Had everything been a lie? Being named a captain had made him think that he could do it now. He could stay close and guard Hinamori, because Hinamori couldn't always take care of herself. She had always been too kind-hearted; it was perhaps her greatest flaw. Even now Toshiro couldn't take his eyes off of her face, which had a soft, innocent look of surprise at her betrayal, and yet still held that quiet piece of the relief she had felt only just before in the dull dark of her blind eyes. Traces of tears still made lines down her cheeks. Not from pain, but from happiness.

And then the man she trusted had killed her.

It wasn't known how many thoughts could run visibly through anyone's, let alone Toshiro's, shadowed eyes. There was only one thought that lingered now, burning deeply in the icy blue pits. Sometimes his eyes were compassionate, sometimes they were surprised, sometime they were soft and smiling as he looked at her, but sometimes… sometimes there was anger that was unmatched. This was one of those times. Toshiro tried to think of something else, tried to stop himself from taking this path, but it was too obvious. Right now he had his chance. Right now Aizen was right there. Toshiro's fist clenched. There were two captains there, Aizen and Gin. He knew he was strong, but his chances were slim. He wanted to slaughter them both where they stood. Nothing would have given him more pleasure in that moment.

His gaze lingered on Hinamori for a moment longer. For a mere moment, his eyes relaxed. He almost smiled slightly down at her. As he turned, he reached for the sword on his back. His fingers closed around the familiar hilt. He felt his power explode within his body, feeling stronger than ever before. The look on Aizen's face was calm, still smiling. Somehow Toshiro could feel that it was the same look he had given Hinamori before running her through. It was absolutely, absolutely unforgivable. Toshiro turned and he screamed, he screamed for Hinamori.

"Bankai!" he roared. Ice made frosty patterns along his feet. The cold mist exploded, and Toshiro barely felt it. He focused on Aizen. Aizen would pay for what he did to Hinamori if it was the last thing Toshiro did. He had to leave Hinamori behind him as he leapt forward. She would have to wait. He would never leave her behind. Only once she was out of trouble, and she couldn't be hurt again, only then could Toshiro gather her in his arms and bring her to Squad 4 with all the speed he could muster. His mind already set on saving Hinamori, Toshiro ran his sword through Aizen. There was a moment of surprise. Then there was the sudden feeling that something was wrong. Even as ice encased Aizen's body, Toshiro began to turn, but his feet stumbled. He wasn't nearly fast enough. He only managed to look to one side, his turquoise eyes wide, just in time to see a spray of red from his shoulder and Aizen's soft, innocent smile disappear from view.

And then Toshiro fell. It was strange, he thought, the weightless, empty feeling. His eyes began to glaze over before he hit the ground. He heard someone enter and recognized the spiritual pressure. It was Captain Unohana. _Thank_ _heavens,_ Toshiro thought bleakly. _Help_ _Hinamori…_ he shot one last glance, one last pleading glance, to the Squad 4 captain, the only one who could save her. Captain Unohana probably didn't see his silent plea. _Please…_ _help_ _Hinamori_.

His eyes turned to the other side, and he saw Hinamori. He had only time for one last coherent thought before everything he knew disappeared, and his world went dark. His blood was already spilling onto the floor, the warmth hissing as it made contact with the ice. As he stared at his best friend, he was able to pull together that last thought even when his tongue was too heavy to move. He couldn't say it, and he knew Hinamori couldn't hear it even if he did. As he fell, his lips began to voice his thoughts, almost automatically, but the sudden shock of hitting the ground knocked the last thought out of his head. His eyes went blank. Everything broke apart.

And Hinamori, from the depths of her own coldness, could've sworn she had heard a tiny little voice, like a snowflake dropping onto a pond just before it flashes into a droplet of water, never to be seen again, whispering words only to her, a small warm comfort to her cooling heart:

_You_ _know,_ _I_ _really_ _did_ _like_ _you_ _quite_ _a_ _bit…_ _for_ _a_ _girl_.


End file.
